Friday, June 23, 2006

Mommy Wars?

I found this blog at random the other day. It's an interesting blog, and basically her whole premise is, as a working mom, she's sick of stay-at-home moms looking down on her. Unfortunately, as a result, the whole site takes the tone that all stay-at-home moms are a bad breed.

Before I found this blog, I did not realize that the mommy wars could be so extreme. I mean, I knew about breastfeeding vs. bottles (I'll own up, we did formula; will try BF with this next one but will make no guarantees), public vs. private vs. home schools, etc (we plan public)... I guess I was naive and did not realize that the battle between working moms and stay-at-home moms was still raging.

For disclosure, let me explain my position. I think I have a rather unique situation that allows me to straddle the line between both worlds. You see, I've worked for a small publishing company (circulation) for over six years now. I really like the company, and while pregnant with Jack I completely planned to continue in my role as circulation manager for one of the magazines we publish.

Then Jack was born.

After two months of maternity leave, I decided that I would rather stay home with our son than return to work full-time. After some number-crunching, A and I realized that I could work part-time to help make ends meet, allowing me to stay home during the day with Jack. So Jack was in daycare all of three weeks so I could wrap up things at the office (and no horror stories from daycare - they were good folks and I would recommend that daycare to anyone). Since then, for the past two years my wonderful company has allowed me to work from home during the week, and come into the office on Saturdays to take care of some stuff that just must be done there.

So I guess I don't really have a solid position in this particular battle of the Mommy Wars, since I am both a stay-at-home Mom and a working Mom. I guess that's why I find this blog so interesting, and yet disturbing at the same time. I know all types of moms - moms like me (both from the office and playgroup), full-on stay-at-home Moms, and full-time workin' Moms. And I make no judgements about their work situations - maybe because I straddle the line, I don't know. My personal opinion is that each should do as is best for their families, and for themselves.

Thoughts, anyone?

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Blogger Nicole said...

In this day and age, I think women should fully support ALL the choices that there are for us. Motherhood is sacred, and I find it sad that people feel they must choose sides. Everyone deserves to make the best choice for their own families and situations.
Sadly it seems that there are women on each side that to create some drama, and perhaps because of guilt\envy, feel they must attack the choice they DID NOT choose.
Good luck with this new baby and enjoy your little boy. They grow up fast. Too fast somedays and somedays not fast enough LOL

6/24/2006 11:26 PM  
Anonymous Jamie said...

I think a lot of the "wars" have been fueled by the media. There was a lot of media coverage (including a Today show appearance) of this author and her mommy wars book (see, she's something to sell)

Like you, I think most families do the best they can to balance work and home life. We are probably among the lucky few who work for a company that has been accomodating to moms!

Unfortunately I think there will always be some divisive factors when it comes to motherhood. The working mom vs. stay at home mom one has just received the most press lately.

6/25/2006 4:53 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

I'm tired of this one between women as well. I think it's really just boils down to a juvenile sort of "I'm a better mom than you are" And why do we need to do that to each other?
We're all doing the best we can.

I loved visiting your blog, by the way. Great writing!

6/25/2006 6:21 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

In Canada, it has gotten ALOT of press, as parents are forming grassroots groups across the country to protest billions and billions of tax payer dollars going to support of a National Daycare system { this discriminates against the majority of Canadian familes as only those attending government regulated care, will see any benefit.
A coalition was formed called Fund the Child, equal funding for children of equal value.
If you get time, check out Choice for Childcare blog.
There are interesting posts on there as well.
In Canada, we have a longtime {activist 30+ years} named Bev Smith. She has dedicated her life to helping bring equality to ALL women's choices.

6/26/2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Belle said...

Its all about high school and who is cool and who isn't. Meaning-- people prey on others insecurities and women are the worst. A preachers wife asked recently "Why women have children if they plan to put them in daycare?" Funny that the daycare my kids go to at a CHURCH funds a lot of the church. I have learned to let it roll off my back, I know my kids are healthy and happy and your kid is healthy and happy and "their" kids are healthy and happy and when they ALL go to Harvard noone will know who had a working mom or a stay at home mom or who was breastfed and who was not. And if my kids go to a state school and have normal jobs and normal families? By damn thats even better-- I like the idea of my grandkids growing up close by.

6/28/2006 8:35 PM  
Blogger working mom - working wonders said...

As a PT working mom, I had found this mommy wars/cat fight blog a while ago. I like it. Though I agree she can be tough and go to extremes. I cxan really relate though. As a person who has been spoken to so unkindly by family (especially the in laws!) and friends for my decision to work part-time (and mostly in home at that). The mommy wars are real. While I don't understand them, there is no denying that they exist and at some point you find yourself taking a side. For me, I hate that those I have trusted most have critisized me. I am a wonderful, devoted mother and love my daughter dearly. The fact that I work a couple of days a week is neither selfish nor an example of my caring less for my child than others. Yet, there are many that try to make me feel that way. I have set up my own blog Working Mom Working Wonders as a result of just trying to find the balance.

6/30/2006 6:29 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

Well said. It's so true that so much of the huff is worthless and we, as moms, all deal with guilt, the love of our children, and wanting to do what's best. I'm sure that part rarely gets said.

I'm like you.. I'm very switzerland in the whole thing. :-)

7/06/2006 12:13 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

I'm much too late to join the party. Just spotted you visiting tearfree.

The mommy wars are fueled by publicity. They shouldn't be happening.

Feminism is about choice. It's always been about choice.

If we stopped fighting each other and worked together, we could move mountains.

It's a waste of valuable time and energy to attack each other and it's not what I fought for back in the 60's and 70's.

I like your blog.

Ann (aka granny)

7/07/2006 11:14 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

This is late, but I wanted to say a couple of things:

1.) Ann (Granny) is right - the "mommy wars" are complete media fueled bunk. They drive me insane.

2.) Like you, I've been in a variety of situations (home, working full time, husband at home, both of us working full time) so I feel like I have a more "neutral" view on it. The point is that you do what you feel works best for your family.

7/14/2006 7:55 AM  

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